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moriarty's Journal

Monday, October 18, 2004

6:26PM - shitty things happen in threes

I left my purple fleece jacket in a computer lab today.
I drove back to school to meet with a student who didn't show up.
I got a recruitment email from a law school with a median lsat range of 146-152 which only adds to my fear that I decimated my score by messing up the last section of the test

Wednesday, September 1, 2004

1:50PM

so I have decided that instead of focusing on what I am eating and worrying whether added pounds are expanding my body in unpleasant directions, I am instead going to focus on not using food to deal with my emotions. Ergo it doesn't matter what I eat or don't eat or whether I do the former of the latter but the reasons why I am eating. ostensibly I will only now eat when I am hungry as oppposed to worried and anxious which means I will have to do something else with myself when I feel like a complete fuck up.

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

4:08PM - I realize this may not make me a nice person but...

I cannot stand alabama accents. its worse than nails on a chalkboard. The fact that I feel this way may have more to do with a particular person attached to that particular collection of vocal patterns and that may make me not a nice person but I can't fucking help it. Said individual is speaking at this moment and all I can think is "your shift ended five minutes ago! Leave Leave Leave!"
In other news I need to write a letter. To the psychologist I saw when I was in the throes of failing phlebotomy who didn't do a damn thing to help me. Who actually said at one point (after not so subtely inquiring about my income level) that I probably wasn't going to be coming back for any more sessions and was there anything else I cared to say before I left. What a fucking bastard. This letter is I'm so broke I can't afford to eat let alone pay you.

4:08PM - I realize this may not make me a nice person but...

I cannot stand alabama accents. its worse than nails on a chalkboard. The fact that I feel this way may have more to do with a particular person attached to that particular collection of vocal patterns and that may make me not a nice person but I can't fucking help it. Said individual is speaking at this moment and all I can think is "your shift ended five minutes ago! Leave Leave Leave!"
In other news I need to write a letter. To the psychologist I saw when I was in the throes of failing phlebotomy who didn't do a damn thing to help me. Who actually said at one point (after not so subtely inquiring about my income level) that I probably wasn't going to be coming back for any more sessions and was there anything else I cared to say before I left. What a fucking bastard. This letter is I'm so broke I can't afford to eat let alone pay you.

Thursday, July 29, 2004

4:13PM - I am very afraid

so I have this student who really shouldn't be in my comp class and I didn't catch it till the FIFTH FUCKING WEEK!!!! I am very afraid my friends. very afraid. this oversight on my part might mean no classes to teach next term and that would mean not being able to pay off my credit card debt at the very least. I am sure that I can get a job doing something else somewhere else but I don't really want to and I don't really have the time to devote to that cause. You know what? The worst thing in the world that I ever thought would happen to me has always happened. I didn't finish graduate school, I failed phlebotomy and yet I still survive. so this can't be much worse, can it?

Wednesday, July 28, 2004

7:00PM - Day one

of the I can't afford to eat diet. literally folks. This is no joke. I'm curious to see what happens.

Wednesday, May 26, 2004

12:40PM - palabras espanol

triste
hambre
enferma
mala
cantar
sangre
collectar
traer
sangrar
fracaso
picadura

Monday, December 22, 2003

12:15PM

I'm moving. It's official. hugs to vikkilynn2002 and 6runner6. If you want you can find me at http://amgfos.diaryland.com

10:37AM - fuck friendster

that's it. no more to be said on that topic except that it's kind of like being called and told to drive down thirteen dusty unpaved roads to get to someone's house because to not show up would be rude and then to get there and find that no one is home. so fuck that.
In other news I managed to run into four students on friday and we all know I absolutely love to run into people unexpectedly out of context. One of them even hugged me in the Media Play parking lot. I told her I had to run or my friend was going to leave without me and when she came back out Nikki and I were still sitting there trying to decide where to go next. We had to go to five different places to find this gospel cd she was looking for, not to mention a rather amusing pit stop at hallmark while she searched for a card that was halfway between like and love.
Sunday night I stretched for about three hours and by the time Tessa showed up to drop off my christmas present I was feeling like I had a new body or at least one that was substantially different than the usual collection of tension and tightness that I run around with on a regular basis.

Saturday, December 20, 2003

2:10PM

I still can't write about the whole car fiasco so how about unintentional bathroom humor? My friend Tessa was here the other night after a couple of hours at the comet planning our own paramilitary organization, we wound up in the Northside Tavern right around midnight just as Mark XXXXXX was finishing his, apparently, four hour long poetry reading. We were there for some of it and I was so impressed I reverted back to graduate school behavior-laying curled up on the any space big enough to curl upon (in this case the red couch by the juke box) and promptly dozing off while Tessa bought a drink that I perked up long enough to split with her. I actually like Guinness. A lot. But I was sure I wasn't drunk enough, fifteen minutes later, to have lead us into the wrong restroom but lo and behold, there was a decidedly male voice coming out from behind a closed stall door. As I was waiting for Tessa the guy and his female friend came out of the other stall. My personal belief is that whatever people choose to do in a closed bathroom stall is their own business but he felt the need to reassure me that they were just talking. His friend left rather quickly and I think it was at the moment when the door closed that Tessa yelled, "Mark? It's Tessa. Do you remember me?" Through the closed door. So naturally Mark had to go back into the other stall and they continued their conversation that way-while he took a leak. Some poor girl came in while they were talking about his first sexual experience and said, "Is there a guy in there??" I think I was laughing too hard (the silent if this goes on much long I might hyperventilate laugh) for her to take it seriously.

Thursday, December 18, 2003

10:21AM - car trouble

this was going to be funny. just fix the headlight and I can have yet another seinfeldian episode to add to the 4000 others that make up my life but now the fucking thing needs bodywork.

Wednesday, December 17, 2003

12:33PM - tripping down the rabbit hole

I think I am going through my issues about turning thirty two years early. I don't know how else to explain the ________ I am feeling. I won't hop on the whole soap box about the idiot psychologist I saw in graduate school who was so tunnel visioned she never questioned all the screwdrivers I was writing down on that stupid food journal she had me fill out, but she couldn't see and I was too sick to articulate the difference between intentionally not eating (which I certainly have done) and this numb emptiness where I simply don't or can't notice that I'm not eating and that is the aforementioned rabbit hole. Here is what frightens me folks. According to several people, I was unhealthily thin when I got here but by that point I had been eating somewhat normally for at least two months by then so what did I look like before?

Monday, December 15, 2003

4:15PM - and saturday was even better

I spent most of it in my pajamas reading "Party Monster" and developing an enmeshed codependent relationship with my cat. When my friend Alyce called and pointed out that I had INDEED mentioned how cute Selene is SEVERAL TIMES and that I was in danger of becoming one of those English teachers who sits home alone with their cat on a saturday night, I got dressed and went to the Northside Tavern and wrote about six pages. The last three tarot readings and the one astrology reading I had back in April all said write, write, write and considering that I avoid my college mentor who is the closest thing I have ever had to a father because the only way I can disappoint him is by not writing, I figured "Fuck it," I'll write just to make everyone else happy and lo and behold it made me happy too. But after about two hours the infamous eye burn began and I went back home to find that Alyce had since decided she wanted to go out. But where to go? Cody's was entirely empty except for DJ Fresh Juice and Alyce wasn't interested in Latin night at the Corinthian and so on to Gilbert Ave and open mic night at the Greenwich-which we had never been to. Considering that it was in Walnut Hills we shouldn't have been surprised to be the only white people in the room. I think the bartender had a nice giggle while we looked around and did a double take. Let me just say the screwdrivers there are so good, if I didn't need to put gas in my car this week, I would have been even more nicely buzzed than I was. The poems were funny and political and I've forgotten how much I love acappella singing. They have a piano too. A real live piano. I want to go back.

12:18PM - truly a bad hair day

I think it was around this time two years ago that my then boyfriend and I tried to kiss each other and received a massive electric shock instead. The static electricity in my apartment has given me hair a bald person would be ashamed of. And brushing it only makes things worse. Head scarves are starting to seem like a pleasant option. Maybe Nikki has some I can borrow. Speaking of Nikki, we went out Friday night hoping to find ourselves at a young professionals happy hour. My fear of meeting a bunch of Thads, Chads and Brads who all wear button down blue oxfords and khakis would have been a better outcome than who was actually there so on to Kaldi's to consult the Cin Weekly where I pointed out "Oh look drink and DINE at Plush" with a raised eyebrow and a snarky expression. Her insistence on food is really tiresome. We ended up going to see Runaway Jury instead and having a rather nice argument about various aspects of the law in the car on the way to Jacobs where she managed to find the token black guy while I strengthened the thigh muscles in my right leg by drinking a smirnoff ice while standing on one foot. Some guy asked me to dance and I was feeling to naseaous from the drink to say no and I figured it would be a better opportunity to try to figure out whether Nikki was having fun or desperately wishing to be somewhere else. I assumed it was the former from the little bit that i could see given the massive eye burn i was experciencing from all the smoke but when the guy in the red t shirt elbowed me in the shoulder for the forty third time, I slipped away from my dancing partner and told her if she wanted to stay I could walk home to which she promptly replied "Well fuck you then." Turns out the wedding videographer from Dayton had a perm and that is a major no-no. By the time she dropped me off, I was laughing so hard I left behind my jumbo container of popcorn in a desperate attempt to get upstairs before my bladder gave out.

Friday, December 12, 2003

11:58AM - I DO get cold...just not as often as I should I guess

this morning my therapist informed me that I might be one of those people who doesn't know when they are cold since my toes were "rather icy" and I didn't seem to notice. She also suggested I might want to start wearing socks. I bought socks at target just last week. Now if I can just remember to put them on...

Thursday, December 11, 2003

6:41PM - my kitten smells like Tide

I spent about fifteen minutes this afternoon getting high off my cat. She smells just like fresh laundry and she's so damn adorable I'm tempted to hunt down a digital camera and put her picture up on www.ratemykitten.com. But then there was that afternoon I was rating pictures on the quality of the photography rather than the cat and nearly everybody got a two so perhaps my kitten rating karma isn't so hot.
In other not so exciting news (please remember that the true purpose of this journal is for me to remind myself of exactly what it is I do with my life and often it isn't all that interesting) I got this message on Friendster from DJ Fresh Juice, one of those self promotion emails that is sent to as many anonymous humans as possible with no regard to the nuisance factor. I would almost have gone to Cody's to check it out if he hadn't ended the message with, "Tell all your friends if you have any." Not the best marketing phraseology that one could choose to use... and the name...what to say about the name? If he doesn't hand out smoothies while he works, I'm going to be disappointed

Wednesday, December 10, 2003

4:03PM - correction

she does self portraits with her period blood. how? how does she stop the coagulation? jesus. That thought really doesn't mix well with the cheetos I just ate. New topic.
I am homesick for Iowa. I miss sitting in the brazilian bar on main street watching greeks and south americans dance side by side with self conscious americans. I remember the first night I went there with josh in tow because he was on a mission to find Danny and even though I had never officially met Danny before I recognized him as he was coming up the stairs from that wonderfully craptasitic unisex bathroom and said "Josh is looking for you." I remember going with the two of them to play Frisbee golf and how they bravely let me get behind the wheel of Danny's car which only turned to the left, was missing the speedometer and a door handle and had a trunk in which things were rattling around but the key was missing.

10:28AM - friendster addiction

I need to get a tv. Maybe. Perhaps if I did I wouldn't be so enthralled with reading friendster profiles of people I don't know and in some instances wouldn't care to know-case in point, the woman who saves her period blood in her freezer. In all honesty, I have to admit that I still hold a grudge against this particular person for nearly stepping on my head during an after hours. I don't care if she was drunk and upset over Johnny Cash's death. Stepping on another person just isn't nice.

Monday, December 8, 2003

11:25AM - and people wonder why I don't get homesick

There are not enough words to describe the degree of gratitude I feel for having wound up in Cincinnati where snow, compared to northwestern pennsylvania anyway, is a decidedly rare occurance. Those pictures of the storm in Boston didn't exactly usher forth pleasant memories of tromping through snow drifts and skating up sidewalks of black ice on the way to high school. In fact I owe my first boyfriend to an ice storm in Clarion because if I hadn't landed on my head on the way back from the student union, Mindy would never have been able to convince me that staying awake until four am would be beneficial to my health. This morning I was grumbling about a thin sheet of frozen precipitation on my windshield whereas 15 years ago, I thought scraping the windshield was something to look forward to because you did that after you had shoveled the tires out.

5:48AM - so much for three days of hibernation

enter:
one bleeding cat
one mother-insane as usual
one bored friend
one friend hiding from insane mother (different friend, different mother)
one particularly vindictive and violent can of chunky corn chowder
and
an apartment with no heat which i have rectified with a collection of 80's music, a cd player and an endless desire to "Safety Dance" around the kitchen rather than contend with the landlord.

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